Lucas, eight years old and nearly twice the size of my son, bounced a basketball so hard against the ground that it shot up probably ten or so feet in the air — and somehow expected Noah to catch it.
Noah missed by a long shot.
“I can’t believe you moved her in,” my sister tsked, her head shaking as she passed me a glass of red wine from our spot on the railing of her balcony. The boys played below, two heads of curly hair moving at the speed of lighting. “Actually, scratch that, I can totally believe it.”
“I didn’t move her in to fuck her,” I clarified, rolling my eyes as I knocked back half the glass. “You were in Philly, remember? I needed help watching over Noah. And she agreed to help.”
“Does she have any childcare experience?”
“No.”
The look on Caroline’s face as she glared at me told me that I was being an idiot. The joke was on her, though — I was well aware of that. “Dame.”
“He likes her,” I added. “And she’s doing an amazing job. She took him to The Exploratorium the other day while I was at work and he spent the whole night talking about it.”
She took a sip of her wine and rested her chin on the palm of her hand, watching with a deadpan expression as Lucas tripped over his foot and slammed into the grass. He picked himself right back up and kept running. Is that tag they’re playing now? Where the hell did the basketball go? “That’s good, I guess. Has he seen his aunt? Marissa’s sister?”
I shook my head. “Not since she dropped him off. She hasn’t gotten in contact, but I imagine she’s knee-deep in paperwork,” I sighed. “Did I mention she’s decided to try to file for custody of him?”
Caroline’s brows shot up her forehead behind the thick red rims of her hyper-modern glasses. “No. You didn’t. How do you feel about that?”
“Like I’d rather throw myself off the Golden Gate Bridge than let that happen,” I deadpanned. It wasn’t even a question in my mind at this point — I fully fucking meant that. “She’s horrible, Carrie. I’m sure she’s probably nice enough to him, and I get why she’s upset, but if she had it her way, I would have never known about him. And I know it’s only been… fuck, six days that I’ve had him, but I can’t imagine him not being in my life now. Is that insane?”
She shook her head. “No, that’s not insane,” she grinned, giving my arm a quick squeeze before going back to her wine. “He’s your son. It hits pretty hard and pretty fast.”
“Dad!” Noah shouted, his arms waving wildly from the ground below the balcony, a smear of mud on his face. “I caught the ball!”
Every time. Every Goddamn time he called me that, it felt like a blow to the chest, a combination of the best possible feeling imaginable mixed with an ache of pain I couldn’t quite place. “Good job!” I called back, and he squealed his excitement before focusing back on Lucas. “I’m still not used to that,” I said quietly.
“What?”
“Him calling me dad.”
She grinned. “You don’t really get used to it,” she explained, refilling her glass and topping mine off. “You just get used to the feeling of it.”
I wasn’t sure if that was reassuring to my psyche or reaffirming that I’d just keep feeling that stab in my chest for the rest of my life. Somehow it felt like a mixture of both.
“How’s the annulment going?”
I shrugged. “Ethan’s working on it. I’ve got enough on my plate to even consider worrying about it.”
Caroline’s tongue slid across her top teeth, her glasses wiggling on her face as her nose scrunched up. “I’m not sure if you’ve considered this,” she started, inching a little closer to me so she could drop her voice. “But if Grace is going to try to file for custody, it might look better on paper to be married.”
I stilled. I hadn’t even considered that.
“Is Grace single?”
“According to Ethan, yes. Recently divorced, unsurprisingly.”
She nodded, almost to herself, but her eyes flitted up to mine. “Maybe hold off if you can swing it. Just until the custody thing isn’t up in the air anymore. You’ve got the money, the home, the necessities for him, but she’s known him his entire life. She’s a pediatrician, right? That’s got to have some sway. You should use every bit of ammo you can.”
Shit. She wasn’t wrong — that would absolutely work out better for me if it came to that, and from what Ethan had said about the mound of paperwork he’d already received, it looked like that was the direction we were heading. But Olivia had made it clear that she wanted our marriage annulled the moment it could be…
I wondered if she’d agree to it if it was for Noah’s sake. Wondered if she’d give up just a little more for me.
“Hey!” Caroline snapped, her voice switching from calm sister to angry mother. Across the lawn, Lucas was poised with a fist full of mud, his hand cocked and ready to throw at Noah. “Absolutely not! Put it down!”
Noah bolted toward the house as Lucas dropped the mud, and Caroline sighed exasperatedly.
“Being a parent is so much fun,” she said, her voice thick with sarcasm.
But I was too engrossed in the message I was writing to Ethan, too caught up in the idea she’d presented me with.
Me: Hold off on filing the papers for the annulment.
