Tucked away in the forest of the Olympic National Park just outside of Seattle, Washington, a massive log cabin covered in solar panels and bits of moss stood tall amongst the western red cedars. A thick fog hung in the tops of the trees, and from the sounds of it, there wasn’t anyone or anything else around for miles. I still wasn’t used to being charted around on a private jet, but I felt like I’d been thrust from one weird thing to the next with the sight in front of me.
“You can’t be serious,” I said, staring in awe at the home, taking in every last detail from the carved wood balconies to the circular hot tub up on the second floor.
Gravel crunched behind me and Damien’s arms wrapped around my body. “Why are you surprised? You’re acting like I never mentioned my vacation house.”
I twisted in his arms, shooting a glare up at him. “Because you didn’t.”
“Ah,” he grinned. “My bad.”
“We should have brought Noah. He’d love this.”
“Noah is far too preoccupied with celebrating his cousin’s birthday,” Damien laughed, releasing me and ushering me forward toward the cabin. “Is it so bad that I wanted to get away with you while we can?”
While we can. I knew what he meant, but that phrase grated on me as we walked toward the house. I didn’t like what the double meaning implied, didn’t like how it sat like a stone in my gut. While we’re still married. Before it ends.
————
The stars above us were so much brighter out here than they were back in the center of San Francisco. The cool air nipped at my bare skin, but everything from the tips of my breasts down was submerged in the bubbling, warm water. Somehow, it felt almost more intimate to be naked in front of him when he wasn’t touching me.
At least, not in that way.
His hand rested gently on my upper thigh, unmoving, unassuming. His knee knocked against mine as he sipped at his glass of red wine, his Adam’s apple bobbing with each swallow.
“Are you happy?” I asked, the words slipping from my lips far too comfortably in the easy quiet.
He let out a breathy little chuckle as he looked out into the endless woodland. “You ask such interesting questions. Have you had sex with her? Are you happy?” He downed the rest of his glass and set it off to the side. “What exactly do you mean by happy, princess?”
He turned to me, his knee knocking against mine again, and I shrugged.
“I’m not happy about the custody battle. I’m not happy about the situation at work, even if I feel righteous in my decisions. I’m not happy about my level of stress, or the fact that I’ve missed out on over five years of Noah’s life,” he said, pushing a loose strand of my hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. “But I am happy. I’m happy that I have Noah. I’m happy that I’m able to spend this time with you without having to hide anything. I’m happy that I get to have you around at all. I’m happy with my job, I’m happy with my company, I’m happy with the way my life is going. So… yes. And no. But mostly yes.”
His fingers lingered on my cheek, and I turned my head into them, letting him caress my face. “Is there anything else that you want out of your life?”
He chuckled again. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’d like to settle down at some point. I’d never really given too much thought to kids — Noah was a welcome surprise, and when I was with Marissa, I knew she wanted at least one, but that was me following what she wanted. But I think I’m happy with one. Another sounds like a nightmare. And then maybe when I get too old to run my business, I’ll move out here and spend my time in these woods with whoever I’m with.”
I studied the twitch in his jaw as he said the last of his words. His thumb dragged idly along my thigh, just an absent-minded touch, and I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be whoever he was with, to live out in the sticks and not have to worry about what anyone else thought. But it wouldn’t be me. We had an expiration date.
“What about you, Liv?” he asked, his fingers trailing down beneath my chin and lifting it. “Is there anything else you want out of life? You’ve got so much of it left to live.”
I shrugged, the water sloshing around me. Behind me, the flood light turned off, and we plummeted into a shocking darkness that was only lit by the stars and the moon above us. With the moon at his back and the light from it illuminating the edges of his skin, he looked almost ethereal, and I found myself having to draw focus back to literally anything else to keep my mind from wandering.
“I don’t know,” I breathed. “Settle down. Keep a good job. I’ve never thought much about kids, either, so I guess what whoever I end up with wants is… good. My brother already has kids, so it’s not like I need to. But I want to travel. I want to solve the water scarcity problem, but I know that’s a big ask. And then settle down somewhere comfortable.”
A little grin tugged the corners of his lips up. “Of course you want to solve that.”
“Can you blame me? Two-thirds of the world’s population—”
“—deal with water scarcity at least one month of the year. I know. It’s atrocious, but I think your project could make a genuine difference to that.”
Why was he even sexier when he was speaking on the things I was passionate about? “You can’t just do that,” I laughed, my cheeks heating as the bubbles stopped, leaving my nipples just barely out of the water.
“Do what, princess?”
“Talk about the things I care about when we’re both fucking naked in a hot tub and you look like that.” The wine had made it easier to speak and had loosened my tongue just a little too much, but I couldn’t find it in me to be ashamed of what I was saying.
“It’s not my fault we have common interests,” he chuckled. “And believe me, princess, no matter how I look, it is fucking nothing in comparison to you.”
————
Another bottle of wine down and we were far too loose with each other.
His hands across my towel-covered stomach, he held my back against his chest, his mouth on my neck. The scent of chlorine and Damien’s cologne lingered on the deck along with his towel lost somewhere behind us.
“God, you’re perfect,” he mumbled, his fingers pulling at the edges of my towel. My reluctance to release came only from the chill of the night air and not from stopping him from getting at what was underneath — no, I wanted that just as badly as he did.
I gasped as his teeth sunk into the soft spot just beneath my ear. My fingers fumbled with the handle on the glass door, finally catching hold and sliding it open. We tumbled into the dark space, and I couldn’t remember if this was a spare room or the master suite. But it didn’t matter, and the second the door slid shut, I let the towel fall away.
“Fuck,” he groaned, spinning me to face him. “Come here.”
His mouth crashed into mine, his kiss messy and chaotic, his wandering hands skating across my breasts. There was something about him that had changed since we’d arrived, something that felt more akin to the desperation and neediness he’d shown me two months ago in Vegas, back when we hardly knew each other, back before both of our lives changed. But I returned the fervor.
He pulled me to his chest, his length already solid and pressing against my stomach. “Let me keep you,” he mumbled against my lips, his hands sweeping down and over my rear. I didn’t know what he meant, didn’t understand what he was saying, but before I could question it he was lifting me up and forcing my legs around his waist.
With his cock wedged firmly between my wetness and his stomach, every step he took rubbed against my clit. A moan escaped me before my back was squarely against a polished wood wall. Arms slipped beneath my legs, hoisting them up, taking my weight along with them.
Before I could even fully work out what was happening, his body shifted, giving him just enough room to position the head of his shaft at my entrance.
“Oh, fuck,” I breathed. “Dame—”
“Do you want me?” he asked, green eyes piercing through the darkness and meeting mine.
“I don’t know what you mean.” My chest heaved with every breath, the space between my legs heating and beginning to ache with need. “Of course I want you.”
The tip of his cock pressed in, the sensation swamping my senses as little pinpricks of pain erupted. He hadn’t stretched me at all — he hadn’t even touched me, not really, but he didn’t need to touch me to make me want him.
“Oh my God,” I whimpered, letting my head fall back against the wall. He pushed a little further and the pain began to give way to pleasure. “Ah.”
The moon broke free from behind a cloud and there he was again, painted in that fucking intense silver light. It snuck into every crevice of his body, between cords of muscle, and all I could do was watch as he sank into me fully, watch as he lost himself the moment he bottomed out.
“Fuck, Liv,” he groaned, but he didn’t move. “Let’s just stay here. Fuck everything else. We can go get Noah and bring him up here, and we can stay away from all the bullshit, stay away from work, stay away from Grace, away from the lawsuits and the custody shit. Just you and me.”
I blinked at him. I didn’t know what to say, even if it was hypothetical. Even if it was just his neediness talking, even if it was just a pipe dream. I took his face in my hands, brought him closer to me, and let him share the same air as me. “Damien.”
He searched my eyes — for what, I had no idea. But the way he watched me made my chest ache alongside the need for him to thrust.
“I wish we could,” I breathed. “I do.”
That seemed to be enough for him.
He moved, finally, slipping nearly all the way out before settling himself back inside of me. I slipped a hand between us knowing full well both of his were occupied with holding my weight.
He kissed me. He kissed me intensely as he moved his hips, kissed me the ways I’d always imagined I’d want to be kissed, kissed me in a way that would inevitably screw me up forever. I could tell by the way it hurt instead of helped, but even if it made my chest ache to consider the fact that this wasn’t going to be my forever, it didn’t make the now less enjoyable.
His fingers dug into the backs of my thighs so hard I thought they’d bruise. He moaned against my lips, the sound gruff and dark and desperate, and I followed his lead, swirling my fingers across my clit, letting him fill me over and over.
What if it isn’t like this with someone else?
I batted the thought away. Of course it could be. It was just sex, and that was it.
But it doesn’t feel like it’s just sex.
“I can’t — can’t stop wanting you,” he rasped, his movements getting choppy, his breathing heavy. The way he spoke was erratic, as if his mind was breaking, as if he was losing himself more than he normally did. “You’re, fuck, Liv, I need you. Need this. Needed this.”
My release coiled in my gut, rapidly approaching, and within seconds we were both spilling over the edge, words dripping from our lips, warmth spreading out inside of me and dripping down. He kissed me again the way he had before as he released my legs, letting them fall around his hips. He stayed inside of me, his hands caressing my cheeks, my sides, my rear, anything he could touch.
I cherished every bit of it.
————
Along the rocky beach, the waves crashed and formed a low-hanging mist, twinkling in the barely-there sunshine out along the water. We’d hiked our way here despite the ache between my thighs and the slight bit of nausea that had plagued me all day, and the view was absolutely worth the journey.
He’d apologized out of nowhere this morning. He’d said he wasn’t used to drinking so much wine and that it messed with his head, but I didn’t mind it. I’d told him as much, and his answering, soft smile was enough to smooth it all over.
“We should have time to stop in Seattle tomorrow morning before our flight,” he said, leaning back into the damp sand with his hands behind his head beside where I sat. “If you want to.”
“I’d love that,” I grinned. “But you should bring Noah out here. Seriously. Fuck Disney, bring him here next time you get the chance. You guys can like, make a bonfire or set traps or whatever it is guys like to do in the woods.”
He laughed as he slipped one hand out from behind his head and rested it against the small of my back instead. “And what would you be doing? Reading your sexy little books from the balcony?”
My cheeks heated as I looked away from him. “I’d probably be back home in San Fran.”
“Don’t be rid—”
Damien’s phone sprang to life in his pocket, his ringtone carrying along the empty beach. He fished it out of his jacket and sat straight up.
“What’s up, Carrie?”
I watched as his face morphed from excited dad and turned into something I’d never, ever seen before on him. Not when he’d come to me stressed out of his mind and asked me to watch Noah, not when he’d looked like he was about to break after the phone call in Disney.
My stomach sank and bile crept into my throat. I didn’t know what it was, but fuck, it wasn’t good.
“What happened, Carrie?”
He shot to his feet a second later, holding out one expectant hand for me. I took it, and he hoisted me up before turning back to the trailhead.
“Words, Carrie, I need fucking words!” he shouted, his voice warbling.
I opened my mouth to speak but decided against it as I followed his hasty footsteps.
“Where is he? Which hospital?”
Oh my God. Bile filled my mouth. I vomited next to the sign for the beach, the act of heaving only making it happen again and again.
“Stay with him. I’m on my way.”
Damien shoved his phone into his pocket as I pulled myself away from the sign. He clocked me, his eyes wide, his face damp, and I could see the fight in his eyes that pulled him in two directions. But he came back to me.
“We have to go. We have to go,” he croaked, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the woodland.
“What’s happened?” I asked. I wiped my mouth with my jacket sleeve as I tried to pick up the pace. It had only been a thirty-minute hike to get out here — surely we could make it back quicker than that.
“Noah had a seizure.”
