Thursday
Four days without her and three sleepless nights had left me feeling like a fucking zombie. If Nathan had thought I was distracted before, he hadn’t mentioned how much worse it had gotten since.
I’d called her every day. I felt like an idiot, listening to her phone ring and ring and hoping she’d answer. After I’d tried Tuesday night I started to worry that something was wrong. I’d called my mom, asked her if she would drive over in the morning and check how she was doing. Wednesday morning brought calm once I learned Mom had checked on her, assuring me that she was fine. But she still didn’t take my calls that evening.
As I sat in the back row barely listening to the woman that was speaking on the stage about the new catheter inventions, I couldn’t help but feel like I was fucking up. The conference had been extended by a day, and that was one more day without her. I wanted to see her this evening, to tell her everything, to do what Nathan said and just suck it up and tell her how I feel. But now I couldn’t, at least not until tomorrow.
“I’ll be right back,” I whispered to Nathan, lifting myself from the fold-down chair. I squeezed down the aisle, my thighs and calves brushing against the knees of those sitting along the same row as me. It was almost sacrilegious to leave mid-speech, but I needed space, I needed air, and I needed Sophie. More than most things, it seemed.
As I made my way through the crowded hallways, one hand gripped my phone where it sat in the pocket of my slacks. As much as I hated this city, being outside was better than being in the godawful conference center filled with people who only cared about work and the money they could make from it.
I pushed the front doors open, my name tag swinging wildly from my neck, and pulled the phone from my pocket. I had to speak to her. I had to try, at least one more time. I had to know that I hadn’t ruined everything.
Ring.
Ring.
Rin—
“Hi, Hudson.”
I sighed in relief as I leaned back against the concrete wall of the AMA. Even just her voice was enough to set my blood on fire, enough to jumpstart my heart. “Sophie.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t answered,” she said quickly, almost as if she’d been holding it in. “You were calling so late, and I’ve been so exhausted and going to bed early, and then by the time I woke up I knew you’d be busy already—”
“It’s okay,” I interrupted, a chuckle sneaking its way up my throat just from the reassurance that she was okay, that she didn’t hate my fucking guts after Sunday night. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
The silence hung heavy for a beat before she spoke again. “Your mom said you were worried about me.”
I slid down the wall, my ass meeting the disgusting, gum-covered New York City sidewalk, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was her on the other end of the line, talking to me. “Yeah,” I admitted. “When you didn’t answer two nights in a row, I got a little worried that something had happened.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, angel.” I watched as a woman in absurdly high-heeled boots walked toward me, her body clad in a shimmering, bejeweled leotard and a feather boa around her neck. Between her lips, a cigarette hung loosely, held there by sticky lip gloss and little else. Every breath she took was smoke, every exhale a cloud. “How have you been feeling?”
“I’m okay. A bit nauseous, more so than last week. So very tired. Like, you have no idea how tired I am, Hudson.” She laughed and I chuckled with her. The woman passed me, a dollar bill in her hand, and as her heels clicked against the sidewalk in front of me, the bill floated down, landing smack dab in the center of my lap. Does she think I’m homeless? Do I look that sleep deprived? “Your mom also said that Jamey misses me. Though she didn’t mention anything about him missing you.”
I snorted as I pocketed the dollar, making a mental note to give it to someone who actually needed it later. “Not surprised. He was not happy with me when I told him he’d be staying at his grandma’s all week. He kept asking to stay with you instead.”
“Aww, I absolutely would have let him if you wanted me to watch him.”
“Nah, it’s okay. You have enough on your plate right now. Plus, we wouldn’t have been able to—”
“I told my parents,” she cut in, her words so fast I almost didn’t understand them. “I know we said we could do it together, but you told yours without me. So I guess we’re even now.”
“How dare you. I can’t believe you went and did the exact same thing that I did. How unforgivable,” I laughed, casting my face toward the sky as the sun peaked between the skyscraper buildings. “Yes, angel, we’re even. That’s fine. How’d they take it?”
She giggled as a clunk came through the speaker, what I could only imagine was her setting the phone down. When her voice returned, it was tinnier. Speakerphone. “Surprisingly well,” she said, a steady hum picking up in the background. “They were a little surprised and kind of suspicious since they only just met you. But you know, I gave them the whole spiel.”
“What whole spiel?” I asked, knowing damn well exactly what she told them but wanting to hear it from her mouth.
She hesitated, clearing her throat, and the hum in the background stopped. Must be sewing. “You know, the whole thing about knowing each other for two years and that we love each other, yada yada.”
I nodded to myself, unwilling to show how her flippant use of the word love struck a chord in me. “Listen,” I sighed, resting the back of my head against the hard concrete wall. “I won’t be home until tomorrow night, now. I was thinking maybe, if you’re up for it, you could come over when I get back and we can tell Jamey together. I know we’re still in the danger zone but I just… I want to tell him. You’re almost out of it anyway.”
“Yeah,” she said softly, bringing herself closer to the phone. “Yeah, Hudson, we can do that. Are you sure you’re ready for him to know?”
“I’m sure. I’ve been thinking about it a lot the past few days, among other things. I’m ready for him to know.”
“Okay.” Silence, again. I wished I could settle myself into it, I wished it was comfortable, but with the amount running through my head and the intense noise of the hustle and bustle around me, I couldn’t. “I hope he’s not upset by it.”
“He won’t be,” I reassured her. If she were in front of me, I’d take her face in my hands, kiss her forehead, her lips. Make her less nervous. “If you only knew how many times he’s asked for a sibling, you wouldn’t be worried in the slightest. He’ll be over the moon, Sophie. He loves you.”
“And you?”
My words caught in my throat. What is she asking me?
“Are you excited?”
My god, Sophia, you couldn’t have been clearer? “Of course I am.”
“Okay,” she breathed. “Then yeah. Tomorrow night. Text me when you land?”
The way my chest clenched at the idea of her being at all nervous about my flight was foreign to me. “Yeah. I’ll text you when I land. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Hudson.”
She hung up before I did, leaving me alone on the too-hot ground of West Forty-Eighth Street. I gripped the lanyard around my neck, giving it one swift tug and breaking it. I couldn’t stand to be at the conference for another second.
I needed a drink, and I needed to think. I had to plan how I was going to tell her. It had to be tomorrow, no chickening out this time. I knew what I felt but all of it meant fucking nothing if Sophie didn’t love me too.
